I get asked a lot about what it is like being in a long
distance relationship. Well, it isn’t easy. Now I have never been in a
“short-distance relationship,” so I am not sure how much of the following
applies to other types of relationships. I hope that, as I have often
discovered in my life, my biggest challenges turn out to be my biggest
blessings. So here are five ways I have been challenged
1. It is hard. For starters, our first “date” was 19
months into our relationship. My third time in Thailand, the day after my
birthday, I dressed up and Lek took me to a fancy restaurant. We had our own
private bamboo hut, right alongside a lake. In seminary we are learning a lot
about inviting God’s presence into our lives everyday. The word “presence”
rings true for me when I am missing Lek. I can hug my family, but it isn’t quite
the same. “Presence” is a powerful, wonderful, sacred thing.
2. Friends and family don’t have the opportunity to know
your significant other as well as you do. My family and several friends have
had the opportunity to skype with Lek (using a mix of English, Thai, guitar
strums, and silly faces). My dad had the opportunity to come to Thailand for a
few days and he met Lek. Yet, the vast majority of people only know about Lek
what I have told them. I cannot help but wish I could bring Lek to a family
get-together or a friend’s party; “Here’s the real deal, folks!” I want to
share someone who is so dear to me to the rest of the people I love because I
am sure they would fall in love with Lek too!
3. Communication isn’t easy. Even with the HUGE gift of
cell phones, international minutes, and skype, communication is difficult. Lek speaks
English as an advanced beginner, and my fluency in Thai is high intermediate.
But many mornings one of us won’t have cell service. Some days are especially
hard; when I am really missing him and I try calling but it doesn’t go through.
I’ll try every half hour until I figure he is asleep. Sometimes it goes through
on the fifth try. A lot of good has come out of this though; we have mastered
quite a few problem solving skills. When we are trying to hold a conversation
but skype keeps freezing or our phones cut in and out it can be very
frustrating. So, we make every word count. Each day, even if nothing else is
understood, we say “I love you,” “I miss you,” and “God bless you.” Another
bonus is that we’ve gotten really good at gestures!
4. Patience. Being in a long distance relationship
teaches patience. The obvious reasons are that when we send letters or gifts to
each other it can take over two weeks. When I have really great news to share
with Lek I cannot call him until I know he will be awake. For the first two
years we were dating we only did skype every other week; so I learned patience
waiting for that special day. The less obvious reasons, stated in the above
paragraph, are that we don’t always understand each other due to our huge
differences in language, culture, and gender. I believe all relationships are a
lesson in patience!
5. Trust. Or, reliance on God. It is hard for me when Lek
is hurt or sick, and I cannot help him. He was bitten by a dog twice in the
past year. He hurt his knee very badly while playing soccer which may lead to a
potential surgery. In the time we’ve been dating both his grandfathers and one
of mine has died. My reaction to all of this is to want to hug him, to be
present and comfort him. Yet over and over again I realize that the best thing
I can do for Lek is lift him up to God in prayer. “God, I cannot protect him,
hug him, or heal him, but You can.” It is a necessary humbling, and good
practice for when we are married and I need to give him to God every day.
What about for you? Many people I know have been or are
in a long distance relationship. Comment on what you learned from it, or what
made it difficult. I would love to hear from you all!
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