Tuesday, January 28, 2014

Long Distance Relationship Lessons

I get asked a lot about what it is like being in a long distance relationship. Well, it isn’t easy. Now I have never been in a “short-distance relationship,” so I am not sure how much of the following applies to other types of relationships. I hope that, as I have often discovered in my life, my biggest challenges turn out to be my biggest blessings. So here are five ways I have been challenged

1. It is hard. For starters, our first “date” was 19 months into our relationship. My third time in Thailand, the day after my birthday, I dressed up and Lek took me to a fancy restaurant. We had our own private bamboo hut, right alongside a lake. In seminary we are learning a lot about inviting God’s presence into our lives everyday. The word “presence” rings true for me when I am missing Lek. I can hug my family, but it isn’t quite the same. “Presence” is a powerful, wonderful, sacred thing.

2. Friends and family don’t have the opportunity to know your significant other as well as you do. My family and several friends have had the opportunity to skype with Lek (using a mix of English, Thai, guitar strums, and silly faces). My dad had the opportunity to come to Thailand for a few days and he met Lek. Yet, the vast majority of people only know about Lek what I have told them. I cannot help but wish I could bring Lek to a family get-together or a friend’s party; “Here’s the real deal, folks!” I want to share someone who is so dear to me to the rest of the people I love because I am sure they would fall in love with Lek too!

3. Communication isn’t easy. Even with the HUGE gift of cell phones, international minutes, and skype, communication is difficult. Lek speaks English as an advanced beginner, and my fluency in Thai is high intermediate. But many mornings one of us won’t have cell service. Some days are especially hard; when I am really missing him and I try calling but it doesn’t go through. I’ll try every half hour until I figure he is asleep. Sometimes it goes through on the fifth try. A lot of good has come out of this though; we have mastered quite a few problem solving skills. When we are trying to hold a conversation but skype keeps freezing or our phones cut in and out it can be very frustrating. So, we make every word count. Each day, even if nothing else is understood, we say “I love you,” “I miss you,” and “God bless you.” Another bonus is that we’ve gotten really good at gestures!

4. Patience. Being in a long distance relationship teaches patience. The obvious reasons are that when we send letters or gifts to each other it can take over two weeks. When I have really great news to share with Lek I cannot call him until I know he will be awake. For the first two years we were dating we only did skype every other week; so I learned patience waiting for that special day. The less obvious reasons, stated in the above paragraph, are that we don’t always understand each other due to our huge differences in language, culture, and gender. I believe all relationships are a lesson in patience!

5. Trust. Or, reliance on God. It is hard for me when Lek is hurt or sick, and I cannot help him. He was bitten by a dog twice in the past year. He hurt his knee very badly while playing soccer which may lead to a potential surgery. In the time we’ve been dating both his grandfathers and one of mine has died. My reaction to all of this is to want to hug him, to be present and comfort him. Yet over and over again I realize that the best thing I can do for Lek is lift him up to God in prayer. “God, I cannot protect him, hug him, or heal him, but You can.” It is a necessary humbling, and good practice for when we are married and I need to give him to God every day.


What about for you? Many people I know have been or are in a long distance relationship. Comment on what you learned from it, or what made it difficult. I would love to hear from you all!

No comments:

Post a Comment